Butterflies set in days before I was scheduled to sing for the 12 Hour Kirtan event in Miami this weekend. I felt nervous. Unprepared. My head knew I was singing as a service, but my heart was resisting. Year after year I go through this queasiness. Sigh. Would the Lord give me the power to lead others in a meditation on the holy name?
The morning before my fateful hour arrived, I sat inside the templeroom quite calmly. Inside, though, I was frantically praying: Krishna, please allow me to sing with love, humility, and soul. Allow me to sing from my heart as a service. I can't do this without Your grace.
When I settled in front of the microphone and sang the first mantra, an unearthly peace washed over my whole body. The butterflies went away. The only thing existing was the holy name and those absorbed in the holy name.
When the deep and soulful kirtan came to a close, I experienced this: Singing is my bliss.
So unexpectedly, singing is my bliss. I feel so much joy when singing that sometimes I smile so big that I must resist the urge to laugh uncontrollably, especially when I connect with the other musicians.
Leading kirtan is such an enigma to me - I tend to always feel so shy about singing, and yet I uncover so much bliss when I do. I feel so deeply absorbed in the holy name and being present, here in the moment, of service to everyone.
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The morning before my fateful hour arrived, I sat inside the templeroom quite calmly. Inside, though, I was frantically praying: Krishna, please allow me to sing with love, humility, and soul. Allow me to sing from my heart as a service. I can't do this without Your grace.
When I settled in front of the microphone and sang the first mantra, an unearthly peace washed over my whole body. The butterflies went away. The only thing existing was the holy name and those absorbed in the holy name.
When the deep and soulful kirtan came to a close, I experienced this: Singing is my bliss.
So unexpectedly, singing is my bliss. I feel so much joy when singing that sometimes I smile so big that I must resist the urge to laugh uncontrollably, especially when I connect with the other musicians.
Leading kirtan is such an enigma to me - I tend to always feel so shy about singing, and yet I uncover so much bliss when I do. I feel so deeply absorbed in the holy name and being present, here in the moment, of service to everyone.
(e-mail subscribers click HERE )
2 comments:
Beautiful post Bhakti. Thanks for sharing your devotional experiences. I felt inspired to share my bliss with you:
http://soundcloud.com/mikeyjay108/only-k-a
Hope you like it. Please keep up your heartfelt writing; it is very inspirational for devotees.
Jaya Nitāi-Gaurāṅga!
What an amazing voice you have. You're blessed. It must be wonderful to have the ability to lead kirtan like that. Hare Krishna.
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