In The Stillness

March 16th, 2006

The sun sillhouettes the tree moss in gold, and in the cool evening I make my way to the temple. Tents lay empty, and powerlines and lights are still strung about. Hundreds of people milled about on these grounds only last night for the Gaura Purnima festival.

Now, not a soul stirs in the stillness. Except... over there, on the verandah, a man reads a soul-searching book. I smile. I pad across the grass and enter the templeroom.

The deities of Radha Shyamasundara grace my eyes with Their splendor. I pick up the harmonium and place it close to the altar - I settle down and begin to sing a bhajan.

No one is here, only the Deities, and I sing the bhajan over and over again, Ohe Vaishnava Thakura. I don't even realize that I'm singing in a loop. So many times I've sung this song in the misery of living away from the devotees, always in some secluded place or along some abandoned road, wishing I could be whereever the devotees were.

And yet here I am, alone, and my soul is at rest.

But in Alachua, I am realizing, I am never alone.

ekaki amare nahi paya bala
"Without you [the vaishnava] I have no strength."