Vani and Vapuh [Day 2.2]

Later in the afternoon, the three of us wait in the living room for our scheduled darshan with Maharaj. Rupa and Nama chat, but I’m still quiet, meditating on my realization from this morning. I write down the questions I will ask in my gold diary, whittling my list down to the most important ones.

And then, Chaturatma motions to us that our time has come. I hold my breath as we step out into the warm afternoon. There is Indradyumna Swami, seated on a chair, the sun illuminating his robes. How simple and so sweet. I let my breath out.

The three of us settle around him, and he catches up with Rupa, his disciple of ten years now. As they converse, Maharaj amazes me with his memory and his desire to connect with his disciples despite the fact he receives a couple hundred e-mails per day. Yeah, just try that for a day. I barely respond to my friends.

Maharaj then turns his serious blue gaze to me.

Suddenly shy, I search for words that I had written down so carefully. “Maharaj,” I begin. I pause. And then, I say what has been on my mind every waking hour since driving up here. “Maharaj… thank you. Thank you for helping me understand what it means to be a disciple of my own guru maharaj,”

He listens. So kindly, he listens. He emphasizes that the instruction – or vani – of my teacher is the most important. But then he addresses my aching concern by mentioning that personal association – or vapuh – is also important, so he smiles and says, “Then write me. Please.”

“I will,” I reply, tears welling in my eyes. Aaaahh… a peace flows over me.