Wisdom of a Stranger

I sit on the porch of the Krishna House in Gainesville, reading. I look up from my book to the quiet street and see a man walk by. Something about his face speaks of such sadness, such... sorrow. I feel this urge in me to somehow walk out to him and hand him a plate of sanctified food, prasadam. Or ask him a question.


Something.


But he keeps walking by, and I feel very shy. How silly! Who am I to run out and start bombarding some stranger with food and questions?

He starts to disappear around a corner.

But a voice murmurs to me in my heart: When will this moment come again?

I put aside my book and dash off the porch, running towards the man. I call out, "Excuse me! Excuse me!"

The man turns, surprised to see a girl running towards him. "Yes?" he says gruffly.

When I reach him I say, "May I ask you a question?"

"Is this about parking?"

I take in his uniform, which I realize is a polo shirt which has embroidered on its front Parking Attendant. "Oh, no, this isn't about parking," I say.

"Then what? What's your question?"

I take in a deep breath. I look him in the eyes and say, "May I ask you what you feel is the purpose of your life?"

He furrows his eyebrows. "I need to work,"

"Work?"

"Yes, I need to go to work, I don't have time for this,"

"So you feel the purpose of your life is to work," I clarify for him.

"No," he says sardonically, "The purpose of my life is to be happy and make others happy,"

My eyes light up in wonder.

The man finishes, "Now if you'll excuse me I need to pay my rent,"

I fold my palms to him, smiling. "Thank you for your answer," And we part ways. I head back to the porch, reveling in the moment.

This parking attendant, who is a complete stranger to me, knows the purpose of his life. Just like that. The answer is clean and clear. His soul knows. I realize that we all know. The purpose of our lives is at the tip of each of our tongues. No need to force or debate or convince.

As the parking attendant put it so eloquently, "Be happy and make others happy."

Be happy and serve.

Something is amiss in this equation, though. I return to my spot on the porch to ponder. In my experience of this man, he was miserable. He knew and could speak the purpose of his life, and yet I did not experience him as aligned with his words.

I realize that to the degree that we're not aligned with our purpose, we cover it over with work. To the degree that we are not connected with the source of true happiness - God, Krishna - then we cover it over with work, work, work. Pleasure. Distractions.

I offer my respects to the man I met in the street today. He has taught me the simplicity of knowing the purpose of my life, and the lifelong adventure and challenge to align my knowing with my being.

And if I see this man again, the parking attendant, I think I shall go out and offer him a plate of prasadam.

(I feel moved to mention that this post is very much inspired by the Satvatove 3 course that I participated in this past weekend, which is facilitated by Dhira Govinda dasa (David Wolf) and Malini dasi (Marie Glasheen). I thank them for their guidance and compassion.)

Rebellion

Seed of Devotion.

I've loved the name of my blog since I created it over five years ago. Not only is it easy to spell, easy to pronounce, and sounds nice, the significance is beautiful and personal - this title is my name (Bhakti lata bij) translated from the ancient Sanskrit language.

Over the years in a natural evolution, I began to focus and share solely my realizations about my spiritual journey on Seed of Devotion.

Then, a couple weeks ago, I began to feel trapped by the name of this blog.

You could say I have felt trapped by my own name.

Bhakti - "Devotion".

I've been going through a period of rebelliousness and questions on my spiritual path - it's uncomfortable and painful, believe me. And every time I came to post on this blog, I felt physically nauseous at the thought of forcing myself to write something "devotional". What's more, I felt sick at the thought that people may think I'm so devotional (gag) because after all, that's the name of this blog.

Seed of Devotion, right?

So in all honesty, I created my sister blog and writing experiment, 30 Day X-ray, as my way of breaking free of the bounds I've created for myself. The premise of 30 Day X-ray is to write every single day for 30 days, an "x-ray" of my life, so to speak. I wanted to give myself the freedom to write about anything I chose, from umbrellas to romance to God.

Day 23 into my experiment and I just have to laugh.

Seriously, I've been chuckling for the past couple days.

All that I really want to write about on 30 Day X-ray is my spiritual journey.

[snort] Some rebellion.

Ultimately, spirituality is about being real, man. Just be REAL. Be HONEST. After all, isn't authenticity the seed of devotion?

So whether on 30 Day X-ray or on Seed of Devotion, I give myself permission to write about umbrellas and romance and God. After all, devotion to God is at my very essence, that is the nature of my soul. And your soul, too. There's no escaping bhakti.

Thank God.

Lollipop Fortune

Christmas Eve 2011, Mexico: The Santa-shaped pinata did not stand a chance against 30 youth all eager for candy. Sure enough, as soon as we saw the slightest sign of breakage, a mad rush attacked the Santa! We piled on top of each other in a giant doggie-pile. Candy flew everywhere. 

When we at last sorted out all our limbs and had claimed victory over candy, I held some odd Mexican tamarind candies and lollipops. 

Suddenly, a girl noticed that on her hand-shaped lollipop something was written in Spanish. The girl called me over and I translated the roughly-hewn words. A fortune! These were fortune-telling lollipops. Oh, this was too awesome.  

I opened up my lollipop. 

Lo and behold, this is what my fortune said: 

Translated: You will know love.

When I read it, I yelled in delight. The girls all crowded around for a glimpse, and I boasted a triumphant smile.

"You guys!! I will know love!"

Whether that's God, a husband, children, friends, or a favorite pair of shoes, I will know love. That settles it, there is nothing to worry about in life, nothing, zero. After all, what is life without love? My lollipop fortune has revealed my destiny.

I would've saved the lollipop out of reverence and joy, but it was too tasty. 

Launch of Blossom of Devotion and Sri Brahma Samhita

Dear Reader, 

I feel shy. 

I am about to publish a new project/goal as well as a debut music track to the public, to all of you!

I have held off on publishing this for weeks now, I kid you not. There's something about sharing your dreams and your art with the world that feels so scary - it could get cut down or worse, dismissed. So I first approached friends and family to receive their blessings.

So with fortified courage, I present to you my project Blossom of Devotion, at blossomofdevotion.com. 

I created this website in dedication to my dream to study in Mayapur this fall. At the renowned Mayapur Academy, I shall learn the ancient and profound art of deity worship. The Academy program lasts for four months, and I shall graduate with a Diploma of Archana. With your blessings and support, we can make this a dream a reality.

I warmly invite you to visit blossomofdevotion.com and if you feel so inspired, to offer $10 or more for this cause under the Support page.

Second of all, I would like to introduce my debut music track, Sri Brahma Samhita. My friend Devananda and I worked for weeks in the studio to produce this track, and we had many, many learning curves. What an adventure in being an artist!

At last, we offered this music to the Lord on the altar one special morning, and now would like to offer it to you.

Please visit bhaktilata.bandcamp.com to purchase this track and give whatever you feel inspired to give. Any amount offered over $5 will go directly to support my endeavor to study in India this fall, as well as to support my attendance of Kirtan Mela in Germany this September.

Thank you so much for reading, listening, blessing, and supporting. I am honored by your kind consideration. 

Sincerely,

Your servant,

Bhakti lata dasi 

launch of 30 Day X-ray

I have been writing for Seed of Devotion for over five years. You'd think that I have no problem opening my heart up to total strangers. On the contrary, sharing my heart with integrity is one of the greatest challenges of my life, and precisely why I keep up Seed of Devotion. How am I to grow and expand my spirit if I don't challenge myself?

My theme is to express myself that anyone and everyone could get me - from little kids to elders, from Americans to Tanzanians. But when I hit dry spells, sometimes I feel that no one gets me. I feel lonely and frustrated.

Sometimes I just want to write, write, write, to feel the blessed freedom to write for the sake of writing for me. If I sound eloquent, great. If I would silly and awkward, wonderful.

So in a step of evolution, I have decided to set out on an adventure! I have opened a blog called 30 Day X-ray, which I shall post on every single day for 30 days straight. An X-ray of my life, so to speak.

I invite all of you, my dear readers, to check out 30dayxray.blogspot.com.

Adventures await.

Standing Up

In Hawaii, white people are the minority. There is actually a derogatory term for them: haole. The word could be said in a familiar and sometimes joking way, but other times in cutting spite.

One day I was going on a fieldtrip with my eighth grade class to a local park. I usually sit in the middle of the bus - not too nerdy in the front, not too popular in the back - but when I boarded the bus for this field trip, I decided to sit a little further back than usual. My friend Kristen sat next to me.

When the bus revved up and we pulled out onto the highway, the boisterous and popular Hawaiian kids began to loudly poke fun at Kristen, calling her a haole, laughing loudly. Kristen and I kept trying to converse normally, but my anger began to rush to my face.

I turned around in my seat. With flint in my eyes, I said with steel: "Stop making fun of Kristen."

Some of the kids did a kind of "Oooooooo,"

I turned back around. Kristen said, "You didn't have to do that,"

"It's just not right," I said.

But then the kids started in on me. They knew I was a Hare Krishna - I had come to school in a sari once or twice. They knew it was a tradition from India, and so they started making Native American "hi-yah, hi-yah" sounds.

Immediately I felt - they're mixing up the traditions on purpose.

On the moving bus, I stood up in my seat and turned around to face them. My nose was tingling, almost numb, as well as my hands, which were balled into fists. My face was hot. My voice rose over the entire bus as I said, "Stop making fun of my religion,"

One of the kids shot back something but I said more, "You don't even know what you're talking about."

The whole bus fell silent. Students swiveled in their seats. I kept expecting a teacher to come and break it up, but all was still.

I went on, "First you're making fun of Kristen, now you're making fun of me, and you don't even know, you don't even know what you're talking about! No respect! No respect." I turned back around and jammed back down into my seat, breathing heavily. Kristen was quiet.

The bus remained silent until we pulled into our destination.

I quickly got off the bus to go cry somewhere on a cement curb. Kristen came with me. I don't ever remember a teacher coming to ask what had happened, to mediate at all. What I do remember is that one or two of the Hawaiian kids came over to apologize - to Kristen and to me.

One of them even asked me if I wanted to come play tennis with her.

I took some deep breaths and decided to give it a shot. I sucked at it. But the girl and I traded smiles. Her name was Malia.

Over a decade later, this experience is seared into my memory. I am reflecting on what it means to stand up for what I believe in. Literally, stand up.

And tonight I wonder, what do I stand for? What gets every match inside of my body lit and I rise to my feet?

I am in that question.

"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live." - Martin Luther King Jr.

Inspiration - To Breathe In

On Friday afternoon, I arrived into New Vrindavan for the annual Festival of Inspiration. I felt strange. I felt as though my mind and heart was riddled with faultfinding in every person I saw. I felt raw because I was finding fault with myself. 

That evening, I got to interact with my spiritual master, Radhanath Swami, for the first time in an entire year. He glowed with kindness and love. We spoke for about five minutes, and when I walked away, I felt reflective. 

I was tidying my bunk on the bus a little later, feeling a little hopeless about all of my faultfinding. But then I wondered, "What would Radhanath Swami do? What would HE say is the antidote to the poison of faultfinding?"

Glorifying. Appreciation. 

Suddenly a huge grin blossomed on my face.  I decided that I would dare to share my experience of someone's beautiful essence with at least 10 people, and then keep going so as to lose track. 

The next day, I had some trouble in my quest. I felt mired in my faultfinding, and it took me awhile to muster up courage to share my experience of someone's inspiring essence. To share my appreciation with my parents, who were visiting from out of town, was a special challenge.

But once I did, I began to pick up speed and more speed, to the point that appreciation was all I wanted to say! I began to feel connected to strangers, even. Words of appreciation would flow from my mouth before I could even think. 

On Mother's Day, I filled an entire booklet in my appreciation of my mother. And I kid you not, after I had finished I felt that I could have filled up an entire other booklet. 

So this Sunday morning when the Festival drew to a close, I sat on the empty, quiet bus, writing in my journal. I reflected that I felt as though I had taken a deep, deep breath of fresh air. 

I felt inspired.

Suddenly, I smiled. The definition of "inspire" is "to breathe in."

I feel as though I made a choice to breathe in the love around me and realize just how much love I can give every moment. Just as we have no choice but to breathe to continue to live, I believe that we get to make the choice every day to live an inspired life. And I discovered that the simplest (but not always the easiest) way to start the flow of love is to appreciate, to glorify. 

So go! Get inspired!